Dream me a Dream

I had a very strange dream. In my dream, I was at my house, but it wasnt my actual house. It was just understood that it was my house. I was hanging out with a freind whom I like (female), and we were talking. At some point, she and I decided to start going out with each other. We were very happy. We kissed and hugged. It was a very nice warm feeling. I thought that we were very happy together, and it filled me with warmth.For some reason, I decided to change clothes, and got distracted when I started talking to someone. I lost track of what happened to the person I liked. It was then that I realized I was at some sort of party or gathering. I wandered throughout the house that wasnt my house, looking for her, and asking people if they had seen her. I finally reached the last room in the house, a childrens bedroom, and I opened the door. When I open it, I see her giving one of my guy friends a blowjob. As soon as they realize Im coming through the door, they stop, but there is no awkwardness about it. There is this underlying cynisism on their part. I remember feeling dead on the inside. I remember asking the girl how she could do this to me. How could she break my heart. How could she hurt me so much, and she just sits there, unashamed, not saying anything. I just started getting this feeling that I was never meant to see this, but
that it happened because I was an asshole. I asked my male friend how he could do this to me. I tried punching him, but he would stop it everytime. I felt so helpless and weak. He would just sit there and do nothing but block my blows, and the girl had a very evil uncaring smirk on her face. At this point, I realized that I was only going through the motions of caring. As soon as I had seen what they were doing, I died on the inside. I was so hurt, that I was already emotionally dead. I wanted to cry, but I couldnt. I wanted to put anger into my punches, but I couldnt. I wanted to hurt, but I couldnt. I was dead already. How could they have done this to me? I wanted to feel emothion, but they killed me. I then drifted back into the awareness of reality, but was very disturbed by the dream. It lingers in my mind. It really saddens me, and makes me feel alone. Maybe this dream is meant to remind me of the pain Ive already gone through once. Regardless, it scares me. I never want to feel the pain I felt before. I just want to be happy again. I want to be happy, without fearing pain.