Like this?

I dont like it, but well see what you think.

Better?

Is this what you guys meant? Does this make it better?

Gig it my dawgs.

Sunday: gig was a success! It was a great event and a great step in the right direction for the band. Made a couple great contacts, and most importantly, HAD FUN!! So, it turns out that there was a song that we started playing wrong (oops!), but it was all steph. I think that thats cool, cause it makes people forget about how many times i fucked up on my own, lol. It seems that everyone is putting up a variation of the photo that max seems to have acquired, so I decided that I needed to put up a version of the photo, too. So, after a few minutes of playing with photoshop, i came up with my own take on the photo. I hope you enjoy. Tell me what you think, seeing as how I really do read the comments, and I like to hear from whomever reads this.

Here's a little something for the Ladies

Just playing around again

Got it.

I know what ill do now. Whevever I dont wanna write, ill just put a pic, or try to.

Edited.

Here is a preview of a style youre going to see me doing alot of. Max, you want this pic, message me and ill send you a couple good ones.

I have not forgotten.

So, classes begin again. Summer school is now in session, and it is time to resume my position of social butterfly, fluttering from group to group, possibly lingering on some, but always moving on. Yes, its true: I am the type of person who makes TONS of freinds, but it is only rarely that I feel any intamacy with these people. Emotions are a very fragile thing, though I give most people the benefit of a doubt. I truly think that the way I am now, no one really knows me completely. Many people know bit and pieces of who I am, but I dont think that anyone really knows me completely. But NE way, enough about that. You know what I havent done here? I havent put up any photos. Ill put up photos in my next post. Ill try to put up some of the stuff that Ive shot recently, regardless of how shitty it may look. Ill do my best to fix em up, though. Im gonna go work on some photos now.

Games

I like playing games. Especially first person shooters. I feel that they allow me to satisfy this inner bloodlust that I have acquired throughout the day's various activities. It helps challenge my mind, and at the same time relieve stress. It takes me to a different plane, in which I dont have to worry about any of the shit that happens in the real world. Plus, its really fun to prove to someone that youre better than them in some aspect. :)

Today.

Today, I went to a party. It was pretty lame. The DJ sucked something awful. sucked it right out of a rabbits ass, too. I knew a few people there, but not enough in any section to actually join in any of the groups that had formed by then. It was ackward and pathetic. I could see everyone trying to mingle but nobody really cared. Everyone was so interested in trying to mingle with someone else, that nobody noticed how many people really didnt have anyone to mingle with. Of course, all the people i knew already had formed their groups (and were probably the only people with stable groups), seeing as how it was their party. The people trying to dance looked like complete asses, because they kept going to the dance floor on their own, and expect others to join, but no one ever did, so the person would quit, and HO! as if by magic, the next victim steps up to the dance floor to make an ass out of themselves. The people kept requesting hip hop to dance to, and the DJ would give it to them. He would play 1 hip hop song and tehn go back to the crap ass hispanic music he was playing. I swear, the music he was playing was so stupid. It was country music with a beat, except written by people stupider than a country boy. On a side note, ever just stand back and see a bunch of people dance? Well, one day, record it. Then, turn off the sound, and youll realize just how stupid they look dancing. Its actually pretty funny. So, eventually, people started making excuses to leave, but I, being good family freinds with the hosts, felt obliged to stay a bit longer. Its kinda sad and disgusting to see guys trying to get drunk girls to have sex with them. It really is disturbing, and I think is a complete asshole thing to do. All it is, is another form of rape. I try to do what I can when I see it happening, but it only works if the girl is drunk enough to be convinced both ways. Usually, shell go for the just have a seat cause it requires less distance. Eventually, after making a quick alchohol run with one of the hosts, I came back and noticed this girl that wasnt eating any meat. I asked her if she was vegitarian, and she said she didnt eat red meat (what is that called again?). Well, this led to a decent conversation, which somehow went into me showing a magic trick (oh yeah, cause someone mentioned I do magic, and forced me to do it. I didnt want to, seeing that I had JUST come from my job AT A MAGIC THEATER) and blah blah blah. Well, eventually, it I decided to mention that my band is playing a gig next sunday and that she should come see it. She said ok, and I believed her. Thats good, cause we need all the people we can get. So, in conclusion, my bandmates should go to partys and get people to go to our gig.

On another note, a freind of mine just saw the movie "Monster" yesterday (or I guess the day before yesterday, seeing the time it is now), and told me she had a nightmare abotu being raped. She described all teh greusome details of what happened to her in her dream....all while I was eating. Then, she went on to ask me if I had ever had sex "while your girlfreind is on the rag." Cmon people, It may not be a common rule, but at least try to respect the fact that someone is trying to eat and MAY possibly be grossed out, especially when you are talking about someones "rag" and the person eating is in the process of dipping a chicken nugget in barbeque sauce. To get to the point, I fairly lost my appetite. But NE way, she went on to tell me that to many girls, a dream about getting raped is the worst kinda nightmare she can have. I told her thats another thing that makes guys different from gals: to us its not a nightmare, its a wet dream.

Its late

Its late, im tired. Long day today. Who the fuck decided to do have bandpractice at 8 in the goddamn morning? That is an ass time ot do anything, including wake up. I had to wake up at 7 in the godamn morning. It sucked. I had to drive to band practice, but couldnt see shit through my tearing eyes. It hurts to open your eyes, when your eyes dont really want to cooperate. 1 hour of sleep makes a world of difference when you only sleep 4 hours a night. At least its not as bad as when I go snowboarding. I always tell myself that I have to go to bed early those days, but it never seems to work. instead, I go to sleep at 4 and wake up at 530 to be able to drive to the goddamned place. somehow, i survive. After band practice, saw dodge ball. I really wanna start a dodge ball team. That would be the greatest shit ever, except id probably get my ass kicked. traffic was a bitch today. I sat on a 200 foot stretch of street for 30 minutes before I decided to do a u turn. there was nothing wrong with the street, either (no construction, car aaccident, etc.), just a fucked up street. I hate traffic. I really do. I love to drive during the day, on a nice open stretch of road (like a freeway with no traffic) with no particular direction (so long as it isnt hazardous to my health [like compton, inglewood, etc.]). I love, as cheesy as it sounds, to feel the wind in my hair. To drive on PCH and just see a vast oceanscape. One day, I wiant to travel. I want to wander for a while. Just go wherever my whims may dictate. I would love to be able to see the world without having to take a travelers guide with me. I want to see the actual land, and people, not the bullshit tourist crap. On a side note, in case you are wondering about the macabre name for my blog, i have a facination with death. The idea of death has always facinated me. The way each religeous group has their own storie of what happens. I dont know when the facination started, but ever since (though I may not usually look it) ive had a facination with death. I like little relics and symbols of death. I like the obscure. The mideval ideas that are found in books (dragons and wizards and so on so forth). Its interesting how cultures have reoccuring themes throughout all of history, and many of these themes resemble each other so closely that one is forced to wonder if there is a corelation. I find it interesting that many cultures mortalize their gods, so that they can relate better. I see death as an aspect of life. Without death, life has no value. You value your life, and you want to do something with it, becuase after life, no one is really sure what happens. Death is the inspiration and salvation for life. If there were no death, life on this planet would have been wiped from existance long ago. Ill get inot this topic more on some future date. For now, my teary eyes are calling.

Wonder of wonders

You know, i sometimes feel that so much of humanity's greatness has been lost or forgotten. I sometimes think that so much beauty has been lost from our civilization, and it majes me sad. We are growing up in a world that is quite bleak and devoid of organic beauty. Mankind has lost its drive. Its willingness to surpass itself in leaps, and instead has settled on slowly trecking up the hill of evolution. What ever happened to humanity building objects of beauty and grandeur, that convey such power as to make one HAVE to stand in awe of its greatness. What the hell am I talking about? Im talking about objects like the 7 wonders of the ancient world.

Lets start with the Pyramid of Giza. I mean, GOD DAMN. It is a building that has lasted over 4500 years. I cant even begin to convey the workmanship that must have gone into it. And as if that wasnt enough, it is so perfectly built, that there is only a .1% variation in its symetry. Need I say more?

The other wonders (the hanging gardens of babylon, the statue of zeus at olimpia, the temple of artemis at ephesus, teh mausoleum at halicarnassus, the colossus or rhodes, and the lighthouse of alexiandria) were also awsome and awe inspiring to all who saw them, but its late and Im tired, so ill stop here.

About a girl

What the fuck is going on here? Why is the world so goddamned fucked up? I hate the shit that I have to go through on a daily basis because of someone else. Ever notice that those who are closest to you are the ones who can hurt you the most without you ever seeing it coming? I mean, the best assassins in history have usually the king's brother or something of the sort. Well, I allowed this person within my innermost chambers, and I assure you, it hurts to be stabbed by someone you thought you knew. It hurts to turn around and suddenly realize that the person you knew is a stranger, and that only a person who doesnt care for you can stab you so ruthlessly. And you know what is really the worst, that in that moment, you realize that the person you knew is gone, so you just whisper the words, "I forgive you," as you fade into the darkness of the eternal slumber. But everybody makes mistakes, right? After youve been stabbed, the person realizes the horror that they committed, so with youre dying words, you comfort them, and tell them it will be okay. Tell them that they were manipulated. Tell them that its not their fault, even though they are the ones with the blood on their hands. The pain takes over your body, and you feel your life slipping through your wound. There is no coming back from the dead. Usually, when you die, youre dead. Game over. The end. Do not pass go. Do not collect your $200. You are out of quarters. Up a creek without a paddle. Shit Out of Luck. Get the idea?

So what do you do at that point? Well, you create a new life. One where you have learned from your previous mistakes. You re-establish yourself, with many of your same habits, and many new connections. In the end, you start that small part of your life over.

You know whats great? Having friends you can trust. With good friends you can count on, there usually arent too many worries. You live life to its fullest. You have a great life, and have company along the way. Think Wizard of Oz. Remember how much fun they were having going down a yellow brick road? Now imagine how much fun they have if they were doing something really fun, like playing in a band together. Ah yes, my bandmates. Well save that for another blog. After all this one was about a girl. Well, Im over that topic. I was hurt once, and Ill be damned if I let it happen again. Ive lost enough blood to last me a lifetime. Im sick of bleeding for others. What little blood I have is slowly being replicated, and next time around I intend to use it for myself. Call me selfish, but I enjoy living too much to allow the constant please for my sanity to stop me from having a good time. One day, you'll wake up and say to yourself, "Its about time I start living the life I want to live instead of the one that others have been dictating for me." Then youll know what I mean.

Tune in next time for our next chapter in CONVERSATIONS WITH DEATH

My mom sux

Okay, you know those overtly religeous fanatics that try and convert everyone they meet in their suble, coniving ways? My mom is one of those. She usually kinda nice, but is always considering how she can convert someone to christianity. She attempts to spread her religeon throughout the world as if it were a virus that was meant to wipe out the entire human race. Luckily, My immune system has developed an anti body. The plague did not tarnish my soul, though what that means is that she has to constantly try and evolve her methods of conversion so that she can try and overcome my system. So far, I have always been able to fight off the plague, which is usually accomplished through large bouts of screaming at each other, which results in a deficiancy in both of our total effectiveness because of our hurt feelings and simmering anger towards each other. The main problem is, we both think were right to believe what we do. She believes that I HAVE to believe in God, because I was brought up within the church and was a youth leader and so on so forth. I believe that I have the right to believe whatever the hell I want (no pun intended). And so, she is convinced that the devil is taking me, but that one day, I will see the light of God again. I on the other hand, am convinced that there is nothing that can be done, short of a miracle, that can really make me believe in the existance of God. So usually, our antagonism toward the other's beliefs lies in wait, just below the surface of our social bullshit, only to erupt at the stupidest times.

"Clean your mess."
"Okay, In a sec"
"No, now"
"okay"
"You dont respect me"
"Do you respect me?"
"I dont have to respect you, Im your mother"
"Yes you do, because thats how you get my respect"
"You dont believe in God"
"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

And thats how it starts. They are such pointless arguments, because Im not suddenly going to witness the grace of God, and shes not going to broaden her horizons and understand me any more than she thinks she already does. Sometimes I wonder if its even worth the effort. Probably not.

Today is my brothers culmination. I am not there, because my mom said that all I ever do is play games, and thats what I would be doing now. So I say fuck her. Let her think thats all I do. I didnt go with them. When she said that, I walked over to my PC and turned on half life. I was playing team fortress till they left. (By the way, if you play Team Fortress, visit my at the server called "GirlPower" Its a really good server. Im usually on around midnight.) As soon as they left, I went to get in the shower to get ready. And now, I have to go or ill miss my brothers thing. She doesnt have to know I went.

My first post

I feel pretty shitty. I think my tonsils are going to explode. So, what should I write about? FINALS ARE OVER. And thank the god I doubt exists for that. I am kinda drowsy. I took a vikadin (and thank goodness I still had it) to ease the pain in my throat, and it helped, but not as much as Id have liked. But this stuff makes me drowsy and sleepy. I should go driving. Well, what has happened in the world lately? Im so sick of hearing all this scare media about terrorism. Every 2 weeks they announce a new mall to stay away from because theyre is a terrorist threat. Every day we hear about how terrorism is being fought over in Iraq. When I travel, I spend an hour and a half going thru seperate x-ray machines all located within the same hallway. God damn. How about we join the rest of the world and move on. Lets go back to living as usual, but wuth the knowledge that a threat exists. Must we continuously be scared into supporting a war that is being fought for oil but shrouded under the fear of terrorism? Americans are so stupid.

You know, yesterday, Sunday, I met the stupid girl ive ever met. Actually, lemme rephrase that. I met the dumbest girl ever. You know the blondes you see on tv or in movies? The ones that are the stereotype for blondes? I met a girl who acts just like that, but shes not a blond. The poor girl was a fucking idiot. But here is how you know you are living in America: SHE WAS PROUD TO BE DUMB. In any other country, shed be poor and useless, but in America, even the stupidest folk can be thriving members in our society. All she has to do is have rich parents (which she does).

On a side note, life is good. I love living. It is such a great way to have fun. I think I should put up my philosophy of life, just because it is my first post: "Live to have fun." Thats it. That simple. Do it because you enjoy it, because if youre not enjoying your life, then really, whats the point? But more on that later. For now, the vikadin is winning in the battle of my awareness. Until next time, goodnight.