Happy Christmas and a Merry Festivus

Well, its that time of year again. Time for meeting with the relatives, and hating every moment. Fucking christmas. Its a day where I get to go meet with family, only to realize just how different I am, and how I dont fit in. Then comes the fun part: making them believe that I do fit in, and that I am one of them. Ah well, whatever. It was'nt all THAT bad. I mean, I did end up with 60 dollars more than I started with, and a new white t-shirt from foot locker. I did get to see some of my cousins I like, and I got to scare the hell out of some I dont. I also managed to get away from the people and be myself for a little bit, if only while on the phone. Oh, I also got to see my uncles new house (work in progress). Its absafuckinglutely amazing! I loved the place. Its gorgeous and huge, and it has a GIANT back yard. I mean, the house is HUGE, and the backyard is 3 times that size. The house has a bar, a sauna, and all that good stuff. But you know what's even cooler? Knowing that my uncle put in so much time and labor and sweat into building something that hes proud of. It really makes me happy to see teh look on his face and in his eyes as hes showing me around, telling me, and showing me, every thing hes done. Theres a huge sense of accomplishment that beams from him. I hope to be able to have that look in my eyes, one day. I just want to one day have that look that says that I did something that I horribly proud of. Only time will tell. Well, in the spirit of Christmas, or whatever pagan belief you may have, I wish you all a good time, and good luck. Take care, and enjoy your holy days and holidays. Remember not to eat more than you should, but to finish what is on your plate. After all, there is some starving kid in Africa that would walk 50 miles for that food. END TRANSMISSION.

The good news is...

Well, the good news is, after 20 long years of waiting, I have my own room. The bad news is, it's still on my parent's property. Well, we cant win 'em all. I like it.

Story of a Girl

Well, I hope to write one for all of my friends that are close, but we'll see how motivated I am. Youll know who you are if you read it.

I once knew a girl who came from a place that was far, far away. She traveled across many lands searching for something, but what that something was, she did not know. One day, in the midst of her journeying, she realized part of what she was searching for, was herself. Once she realized that it was not a tangible object that she was searching for, she began to search a different realm. A place within herself. After a long period of searching, she discovered a calling that came from within. A dire need to accomplish what she longed for overtook her, and she began her journeying once again. Amd so she travelled across many more lands, until she arrived in the Land of the Golden Sun, in the City by the Bay. Once having arrived, she discovered that though she was close, she had not yet discovered exactly what she searched for. So she came to realize that although she had journeyed so much, she was still very far. At that time, she returned to her home, weary of her travels, to rest and recover her strength, which had been drained throughout her quest. While resting, she realized to where she must go, and having packed her bags, she once again set out towards the Land of the Golden Sun. This time, though, instead of going to the City by the Bay, she went to the City of Holly, where there was a great wood. From there, it was only a leap and a bound before she ended up staying in the Abbey of Saint Monica, where she began to study the art of capturing essences and souls. While studying under one of the Guild Masters, she encountered another. This other was of a strange, quirky nature (whom we will now call S.Q.), but understood her well, and through this understanding grew a friendship. The friendship was bright and merry, and the two learned well with each other. Soon afterwards, the newly formed duo made the aquaintance of the Other during one of the many dronings of the Pseudo Master. The other was like a chameleon, who adapted to his environment, but rarely showed his true colors. He introduced himself in a pleasing fashion, and was allowed to enter the trial for membership into the exclusive duo group. It was only through pity that he was allowed to enter the group. Nevertheless, because of the nature of duality, the dou morphed into a trio. Once changed, it could never be rewound, but only changed and warped for better or worse. And so the three shared stories of adventures past, and went on to create many new adventures. And through this bonding they became a solid trio, which was of such strength, that it formed itself into another link within the chain of allies that were gathering and growing before the arrival of the storm.

High School Hydrant

This is the high school shot I was refering to. It was hydrant on campus at Pali. The original was black and white, and the next version had the yellow nozzle only. The final version is the sepia one. They were all done years ago, and were amongst the first artsy photos of my own that I edited. Here are the 3:

Here's Something Quick

I was walking around the pier shooting, while Ngoc was shooting her own project, and came across this. Reminds me of a shot from high school (coming soon).

Revisiting the Sierras

Yes folks, thats right. The highly anticipated film portion of the sierras has finally begun. It may take a while, and I dont promise 1 a day, but it will come. Here is the first.



P.S. Cyndawgs House be a hater. You dont know the shit I went through either. Gimme a call, and well talk like civil human beings. Really.

Well, Its time to talk.

School school school. Not much else to say. Its driving me crazy. I am working my ass of to get good grades, but end with something thats only decent. I dont know what the hell Im doing wrong. I have better looking negs than other people, and better looking prints than other people, and yet, my grades are worse than theirs. I just dont understand. I pay attention to all the little details, but get major points knocked off for something minor. Other people have worse mistakes, and alot of 'em, and get hardly any points taken off. It sucks. Oh well.

A Final Red Rock

This is the last photo from the ones Ill be putting up form red rock canyon. I think Nick will like this one.

Something in the Archives

Here is something I found while going thru old pics.

On a Different Note

There are things on this planet that are grander than the story of few humans. Sometimes we forget that.

Okay. Hold on a Minute

Based on the Comments Within My Last Blog:

Okay, if youre going to hate on me, at least let me know who it is by leaving your name with your anonymous comment. And at what point did I become such an ass? If you are basing your opinion of my assholeness based on the comments and monologues of an anonymous person, maybe you should talk to me before reaching a final conclusion. Maybe you should hear both sides of the story before jumping to conclusions. Maybe you should be openminded and willing to give me a fair trial, instead of declaring me guilty until proven innocent. Call me. Im sure anonymous will give you my number. Either that or AIM me @ bringerofthedead. Just talk to me in REAL time. I dont think Ive done anything unfair or wrong, and its not my fault that someone couldnt catch on before getting hurt. I didnt want to hurt anyone, and if you have been hurt, Im sorry. Im living my life for me, not you. Take off your blinders.

Life is Good

The world just got a little warmer.

A Quickie

Here you go, now Im off to work.

This be Holy Ground

Well, actually, its a wall, but whatever. More Red Rockness. Gig with p-h to the seventh today @ SMC. Ooooooo0. I wish I knew less people, and less people knew me, cause were gonna suck ass. Enjoy.

Be Cool

Sometimes, you have to look at the filter you see through.

More Red Rock

Somethings arent meant to be said, but instead experienced. Enjoy.

A Side Trip

Well, Ive been going to vegas a lot recently, and I made two side trips recently to red rock canyon, which is right outside of vegas. Heres a shot I got from there. More to come soon. Dont worry, the film stuff of the Sierras will be coming, Ive just been real busy.

So Busy

Ive been too busy to do anything, so here:

Look Closer

Heres a little detail I liked. Happened during a photo shoot that Brenda was having with my cousin Adiel. Now Im off to vegas (in a bit).

Dream me a Dream

I had a very strange dream. In my dream, I was at my house, but it wasnt my actual house. It was just understood that it was my house. I was hanging out with a freind whom I like (female), and we were talking. At some point, she and I decided to start going out with each other. We were very happy. We kissed and hugged. It was a very nice warm feeling. I thought that we were very happy together, and it filled me with warmth.For some reason, I decided to change clothes, and got distracted when I started talking to someone. I lost track of what happened to the person I liked. It was then that I realized I was at some sort of party or gathering. I wandered throughout the house that wasnt my house, looking for her, and asking people if they had seen her. I finally reached the last room in the house, a childrens bedroom, and I opened the door. When I open it, I see her giving one of my guy friends a blowjob. As soon as they realize Im coming through the door, they stop, but there is no awkwardness about it. There is this underlying cynisism on their part. I remember feeling dead on the inside. I remember asking the girl how she could do this to me. How could she break my heart. How could she hurt me so much, and she just sits there, unashamed, not saying anything. I just started getting this feeling that I was never meant to see this, but
that it happened because I was an asshole. I asked my male friend how he could do this to me. I tried punching him, but he would stop it everytime. I felt so helpless and weak. He would just sit there and do nothing but block my blows, and the girl had a very evil uncaring smirk on her face. At this point, I realized that I was only going through the motions of caring. As soon as I had seen what they were doing, I died on the inside. I was so hurt, that I was already emotionally dead. I wanted to cry, but I couldnt. I wanted to put anger into my punches, but I couldnt. I wanted to hurt, but I couldnt. I was dead already. How could they have done this to me? I wanted to feel emothion, but they killed me. I then drifted back into the awareness of reality, but was very disturbed by the dream. It lingers in my mind. It really saddens me, and makes me feel alone. Maybe this dream is meant to remind me of the pain Ive already gone through once. Regardless, it scares me. I never want to feel the pain I felt before. I just want to be happy again. I want to be happy, without fearing pain.